By Martine Friedman O’Keefe
Why am I still single? This is the hunka hunka burning question in everyone’s minds.
The answer is that you are still single because you haven’t figured out how to be “coupled”. In a sense, you are so used to being single, it becomes difficult to overcome the habit of being single, and the myths you buy: like “I intimidate men” or ”women just like men with money” to comfort yourself.
Top 5 differences between singles who stay single and singles who become part of a couple
#1
Single you
You expect everyone to perform exactly on cue on your first dates
vs.
Soon to be coupled you
You realize dating is messy and you dive in anyway
#2
Single you
You carry your wounds with you, you feel all of the opposite sex behave the same so you can’t let anyone in
vs.
Soon to be coupled you
You acknowledge your wounds, and accept them so they don’t define you
#3
Single you
There is no one good enough for you. You don’t want to get involved with someone who might end up with a medical problem (which is everyone), or who isn’t perfectly financially set for life (which is almost no one), or doesn’t like all the same things you like (can’t handle any conflict).
vs.
Soon to be coupled you
You recognize your own flaws, and see people as a package of characteristics. You don’t get hung up on one mistake, or two, but you will walk away from a consistent pattern of mistakes.
#4
Single you
You look for all the reasons it won’t ever work. There is a fatal flaw there and you will uncover it through interrogation or any means necessary. This is called “being jaded” or not even giving it a chance.
vs.
Soon to be coupled you
You look for reasons why it might work. You find things in common. You bring the chemistry to your dates.
#5
Single you
Everything you think about why you are single is probably wrong. There are many more myths about why people are single than there is truth. Dating is complicated.
vs.
Soon to be coupled you
You stopped and studied who you really are, and what you really actually need, which if you are healthy is a whole lot less than your still searching single counterpart. Your search is authentic, not a contest to see whose mate gets the highest score when ranked by friends. You are willing to deal in reality. It’s called confidence. It’s the biggest aphrodisiac. But it isn’t Wolf of Wall Street confidence, it’s confidence blended with empathy and humility.
Be a great person, like the one you seek to find a relationship with, and you will attract someone on your level. If you are strong enough to be vulnerable, if you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep trying until it takes, then you will find the love you seek.